Life As I Know It, Traveling Chick

Under the Influence & Flying {GBD part three}

A GBD story for you.

A few weeks ago, on my way back from New York, I had a lay over in some city that I can’t remember at the moment. I took my seat in an oversized chair near the gate, and fired up the kindle to dive in right where I’d left off. Two seats down from me, a woman – maybe 35 years old – was sound a sleep, hunched over right there in her chair. I hardly noticed her at first – every seat was full and we were all pretty much minding our own business.

Fast forward five minutes – someone’s cell phone is ringing LOUDly. Some song I’ve never heard before, something about a great man or a great love. It rings and rings…and rings. And 30 seconds later, the caller tries again. My first thought is that a woman in front of me, who has head phones in, just isn’t hearing her phone. I scold her in my head. It isn’t until the caller’s fourth attempt that the phone is finally answered by the woman two seats down from me. I realize at this point that she is SO sound asleep, she hadn’t even heard the ringing.

But then she speaks. She speaks with such slurred words, I think to myself, “Is she drunk? Does she have a speech impediment? Is she high?” I just couldn’t tell! But it didn’t take long for her to tell all of us in the gate area exactly what was going on. The phone was, somehow, on speaker phone, and she could not manage to turn it off. I think she even fell back asleep while trying to turn it off, and the caller had to call her back yet again, and then we got the whole slurred spousal conversation…

…wha?…imathe gate.

—why aren’t you on the plane?

…isss delaaayed.

*she manages to turn of speaker at this point, turning this into a one sided conversation*

…wha? I sid is delayed.


…wha? No this isn’t some try to not come home. Wha? (starting to get louder)

…no im nahdrunk.

…because I took my perkaset, TODD!

…justwo. (getting even louder)

…no TODD.

…shut up. Whatryou talking about?


…youarent lisning todd.

It went on. It got louder. There were hang ups and SEVERAL calls back. If you are worried about her…I am too. But she did make it on the plane. I don’t know why Todd would think she wouldn’t want to come home, or if she took perkaset because she is sick or because she is afraid to fly or what. But man, it was 20 minutes of solid entertainment.

And wouldn’t you know that the next week, I got on a plane where a saw a girl my age helping her friend, another girl my age, get into a seat. Her friend immediately curled up into fetal position in a middle seat and slumped over, sound a sleep. What was up with her, you ask? Well, she apparently took five xanax.

Lord almighty.

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