Patterns of Pursuit {Psychology Today}

I’m not shy about the fact that I read “Psychology Today” in my blog reader every single morning.  It never lets me down.  And now and then, there is even something so interesting that I email it to my friends OR even better, write about it to share with you all.

One of this week’s articles, Patterns of Pursuit, was so interesting to me.  As I have recently (and shamelessly) committed myself to being single for what may prove to be the longest period since I started dating (longer ago than I care to admit), I have been discovering all sorts of new things about my relationships with others…and others’ relationship habits, as well.

If you’re single, I would love to hear from you — What have you learned from it?  Are you content in it?

A few great thoughts stood out above the rest for me.  One was to get yourself out there.  And this doesn’t necessarily mean putting yourself in bars and meeting random boys (rarely a good idea), but it DOES mean doing the things you love to do — volunteering, working out, performing, whatever…just be out there and be active doing what you love.  After all…

Lady luck can seat you next to a gorgeous stranger at an open-air jazz concert…”

The second great reminder: Keep an open mind.  This doesn’t mean to spend weeks and weeks dating someone who clearly sucks, but sometimes you really do need more than just one date to rule someone completely out of the running.  At first, I was taken aback by the following statement…but after a few moments, it made sense. One thing I have realized throughout the course of my (young) adult life is that ultimately, love is a choice and a commitment. You aren’t going to love somebody every single day.  Sometimes, it’s a leap of faith, as emphasized here by Barry Schwartz, a professor of psychology at Swarthmore:

He advises shoppers to settle on ‘good enough’ purchases, but finds it much harder to convince singles to apply the strategy to their love lives. ‘People think they need to find the absolute “best” romantic partner for them,’ Schwartz says. ‘But I believe that making a commitment is an act of faith. If you wait until you’re sure, you’ll die alone.'”

The third and final comment that really hit home: push yourself out of your normal patterns.  What would happen if you handled your next relationship a little differently? It might not work out any better than normal, but more often than not, I would guess that making a change would lead to a breath of fresh air. Gotta love a challenge.

While it’s a vital first step, understanding the patterns in your behavior isn’t enough. You must continually make yourself do what doesn’t come naturally.”

Cheers to you if you’ve read this far… I seriously encourage reading the article.  It’s a great read whether you love psychology or not!

One thought on “Patterns of Pursuit {Psychology Today}

  1. I’ve been single for six days now… After a year and four months (and four days and fourteen hours and around forty minutes no I’m not obsessed with time what are you talking about), it hurts. Quite a bit. From the… Three separate times I’ve been single now, including this one, I’ve learned that it’s freeing and a positive experience… But having known what it’s like to have a partner, I don’t think I could ever go back permanently.

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